Relationship Advice

The Problem with Relationship Advice

Where do you get your relationship advice? If you are like most people you turn to family and friends. Sadly, much of the advice that is received from family and friends is NOT advice that helps solve the problem. Here’s why. Family and friends will hear you tell your side of the story and won’t ask questions or ask you to see things from another perspective. The consequence is that your frustrations will be validated, but your problem in your relationship will not be solved. Friends and family often have good intentions, but far too often they don’t know what to say. They will agree with you or add fuel to your already burning fire.

If you are fortunate enough to have someone who actually listens and asks you to see things from another perspective, count yourself lucky. Some of the best relationship advice givers end up asking you to look into the mirror and evaluate your own behavior. Obviously there are exceptions to this such as cases of abuse, neglect, or other destructive relationship behaviors. However, I believe this is more of an exception to the rule. If you are being abused in any form seeking professional help is still better than just talking with a family member or friend. A professional will help you establish a safety plan and will help you better understand that abuse and how you can respond to it.

You may not like this analogy, but asking a friend or family member to help you solve your relationship problems is like asking a salesperson to fix your car. He may be a great salesman, but he isn’t trained in working on cars.

If you are going to talk with a friend or family member about your relationship problems here’s a few guidelines:

1. Evaluate whether your friend or family member always supports you and never asks you to see things from your partner’s perspective.

2. Let your friend or family member know that you just need to work out some frustations. Tell them that they don’t need to solve your problem, rather just listening helps.

3. Ask them to help you see if you are missing something in your relationship. Maybe you are too close to the situation and they can see something you have missed.

4. If you family member or friend is pushing you to get out of the relationship or end it ask yourself why? Why would this person want me out of this relationship? If they are single and just want someone to hang out with, their advice may not be the best. If they have your best interest in mind, they will try to help you strengthen your relationship.

In conclusion, if you want good relationship advice seek help from people who are experts. These people are trained to help relationships succeed. If you are looking for professionals in your area I would begin by visiting http://www.aamft.org. This is the website for professional marriage and family therapists.

If you want to evalute your relationship based upon your own perception, I would invite you to visit GrowthClimate. At this website you will find two tests designed to help individuals assess their relationship. The first is the “Predictive Relationship Profile.” This test will help you evaluate your partner’s behaviors and how they are influencing your relationship. The test is 200 questions long and the answers you receive are based upon your answers. The second test is the “Relationship Intimacy Test.” This test is designed to help couples improve the intimacy in their relationship.

Finally, if you genuinely want your relationship to improve I suggest that you take time and learn from professionals who have been trained to help couples succeed.

Have a great day!