Is Pornography a Part of Your Relationship?

There is a brewing debate about how pornography influences relationships. Many professionals, therapists and lawyers, claim that they are seeing a rise in pornography related cases. In the past few months both the Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy and the Psychotherapy Networker dedicated an entire volume to pornography and its influence on relationships and society. Even with all of the attention that pornography is getting, we still have very little information regarding how pornography is influencing relationships. For example, what percentage of couples use pornography to enhance their sexual relationship? What percentage of marriages are ending or are on life support because of pornography? For the past few years I have been gathering data to answer these questions. I intend to begin writing the results of these assessments in the next few weeks.

In the meantime, I have created a brief little survey to address a couple of questions regarding the influence of pornography in marriage. If you want to contribute to the ongoing discussion and research related to pornography and marriage, please click on this link to take a 3-5 minute survey: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/27LN8VK. I will personally review your scores and provide you additional information on how to deal with pornography in your relationship.

Thanks,

Dr. Kevin Skinner

Author of Treating Pornography Addiction: The Essential Tools for Recovery

Strategies for Dealing with Grief and Loss During the Holiday Season

PROVO, Utah – Nov. 30th, 2009 – MyExpertSolution announced that Paula Shaw, counselor and educator on grief and loss, will join host Dr. Kevin Skinner, for “My Expert Solution” Nov. 30th at 1:00 p.m. Mountain Standard Time. The program can be heard online at myexpertsolution.com, where Shaw will discuss strategies to deal with grief and loss during the holiday season. 

Shaw says that ”Grief and loss during the holidays create many unanticipated challenges, especially during the first year after a loss” 

Shaw is an grief and loss expert in Southern California. She works with many individuals who experience trauma and loss. She will be joining Dr. Kevin Skinner, the host of MyExpertSolution–a radio show where experts share their knowledge on how to deal with real life issues. 

“Dealing with grief and loss during the holidays can be overwhelming. Many people just tell themselves to be strong, unfortunately they overlook the importance of learning to deal with their emotions” Skinner said. Skinner continued by saying, “We live in a society where people don’t know where to turn for help. Sadly, it is common for individuals to think that there is something wrong with them when what they are experiencing is very normal. They just need to learn about the normal grieving process” The show will be broadcast live Nov. 30th and will be rebroadcast on the MyExpertSolution Radio Network throughout the week.

Dr. Skinner and Paula Shaw are both experts at MyExpertSolution.MyExpertSolution.com is an Internet resource that connects Internet users with experts who can answer their questions on a variety of subjects, including relationships, health and finances. Members can also read articles, listen to previous radio shows, and connect with qualified experts. For more information on this and other topics, visit myexpertsolution.com.

 

Kevin B. Skinner, Ph.D.

MyExpertSolution

Provo, UT

801-224-2525

The Porn Pandemic: Why Aren’t More People Moved to Combat It?

In recent news the World Health Organization (WHO) declared that swine flu is now a pandemic. It has spread to 74 countries, there have been 30,000 confirmed cases, and 144 deaths. (1) The director, Dr. Margaret Chan in a recent news conference said, “A characteristic feature of pandemics is their rapid spread to all parts of the world.” She went on to say, “Influenza pandemics, whether moderate or severe, are remarkable events because of the almost universal susceptibility of the world’s population to infection.” Clearly, a pandemic is a very serious issue and must be taken seriously.

In Dr. Chan’s report she also noted the importance and value of discovering the swine flu early on. She said, “We are in the earliest days of the pandemic. The virus is spreading under a close and careful watch. No previous pandemic has been detected so early or watched so closely, in real-time, right at the very beginning. The world can now reap the benefits of investments, over the last five years, in pandemic preparedness. We have a head start. This places us in a strong position. But it also creates a demand for advice and reassurance in the midst of limited data and considerable scientific uncertainty.”

What a blessing to have this kind of publicity, awareness, and medical help to assist us through the swine flu pandemic.

Unfortunately, there is another pandemic that is not receiving this kind of media attention. In fact, instead of rushing to aid, study, and research the porn pandemic our society has moved from silent acceptance to using it to promote products for financial gain.

See http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1902420,00.html

Consequently, pornography has stealthily penetrated our society and instead of raising the warning flag we are embracing it and promoting it.

It begs the question of, why? Why aren’t we up in arms? Does anyone care that marriages are being destroyed? Does anyone care that children are being exposed to pornography at age 11? Does anyone care that sex crimes are increasing?

During the past 15 years I have watched as the pornography pandemic has spread. In my practice as a marriage and family therapist, I have seen countless couples who have tried to recovery from the insidious effects of pornography. Both men and women have wept bitterly in the sofa of my office. The men because they cannot stop this self-worth destroying behavior and women who feel violated and betrayed by their spouse. Pornography is a pandemic and here’s my validation for why:

• The Chinese government requires all new computers to have an internet filter blocking pornography.
• Countries that have never had a problem with pornography are now scrambling to find solutions to block it to protect their citizens. (This is evidence that it is spreading around the globe)
• The lives of millions of people are being permanently changed by pornography. Many men, women and children are unable to stop on their own. Divorce attorneys report a significant increase in divorce filings associated with pornography. Courts are filled with cases of child pornography.
• Professionals are now spending a significant amount of time treating individuals with compulsive sexual behaviors.

Do any of the above items qualify for a pandemic? You decide.

The question I have is why are so few people responding to it? Where’s the media attention? Where’s the team of scientists inquiring about the long-term impact of pornography on society?

Regardless of where you fall on this “Freedom of Speech” issue, please consider the consequences of pornography on our society. We are still very early in this pandemic. If not properly quarantined, the next pornified generation will face unprecedented challenges. Our society is already suffering the effects of pornography. Now is the time for each of us to perform a soul searching evaluation about whether we are going to continue to put our heads in the sand or take a stand.

If you are willing to engage in this battle may I suggest a few strategies?

1. Send a letter to your local congressman asking him/her to review the CP80.com solution.
2. Do everything you can to protect your family from pornography. Do some research on the best methods to protect your family (See Internet Filter Review) and CovenantEyes). If you want to see if there is pornography on your computer visit www.SurfRecon.com
3. If you have a loved one who struggles with pornography provide support. Many people caught in the trap of pornography respond well to someone who takes an interest in their recovery. Please do not ignore the problem, it won’t go away by itself.

The porn pandemic is here. If you are interested in joining me in the battle, you can listen to me live each Monday morning at 8:00 a.m. at MyExpertSolution.com. My show is titled, “Pornography As I See It.”

I often end this show by sharing one of my favorite quotes by Edmund Burke, “The greatest way for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing.”

Best regards,

Dr. Kevin Skinner

Sources:

1. http://www.who.int/mediacentre/news/statements/2009/h1n1_pandemic_phase6_20090611/en/index.html

Is There Pornography on Your Computer?

For many years I have been working with individuals and couples who struggle with a pornography problem. Sometimes I am working with the parent’s who are trying to protect their child. At other times, I am working with a spouse of someone who has a pornography addiction. My research of more than 400 women indicates that many men do not reveal to their spouse their behavior. Instead the women discover their partner’s addictive actions through their own investigation. In many instances, this is a very painful discovery which triggers a lot of pain and hurt, primarily because there has been a lot of deception and lying. Often women tell me that they have felt something wasn’t quite right, but they couldn’t put their finger on the problem.

Today, I found the solution to this problem. I have been in contact with Matt Yarro who has developed a handy tool called SurfRecon. This amazing porn detection tool goes through your computer, flash drives, etc. and detects images that are pornographic in nature. It will provide you with valuable information such as how many sexual images are on your computer, how many are XXX in nature, game images, etc. The really cool thing about this tool is that you cannot hide pornography from it. It will search for deleted images and files. As a result, SurfRecon can assure parents and spouses that they will know exactly what is happening on their computers.

You may be asking, how does this compare to a filter? In my mind it is better than a filter. Here’s why. Most of my clients know how to get around filters. As a result their parents and spouses think that they are protecting their loved ones from pornography when in reality there are many ways to get around filters. I think SurfRecon is a better solution because it is not a filter at all. It simply provides a scan of your computer that identifies images that have been viewed. Images cannot be hid or deleted. I believe this is a better solution because, if there are images you can talk about it knowing full well that everything has been revealed. There are no more secrets.

As a professional who works with individuals and couples who are seeking solutions, I believe I have found a good one. I believe this will be especially helpful for parents and spouses who are looking for more peace of mind in knowing what is happening on their computers.

If you didn’t get a chance to listen to the show live it will be rebroadcast during the week of May 18^th-24^th at the following days and times:

Tuesday May 19^th at 2:00 p.m. (MT)

Wednesday May 20^th at 7:00 p.m.(MT)

Thursday May 21^st at 4:00 a.m.(MT)

Friday May 22 at 10:00 p.m. (MT)

Sunday 12:00 a.m.(MT)

 

Also, if you would be interested in purchasing the SurfRecon tool for your personal use you can do so at:

www.surfrecon.com

Finally, a special thanks to Matt Yarro.

Healing from Trauma

Today on MyExpertSolution I had the privilege of interviewing Mychelle Charters. She is a licensed clinical social worker in the California. She works with many important issues such as anxiety and trauma. On today’s show we talked about her approach for helping people recover from trauma. Our conversation focused on how individuals can face their trauma from a safe position by discovering and utilizing their resources of strength. This mind body approach is very effective and has been researched in helping trauma victims in natural disasters (click here to see research). Mychelle was articulate and helpful in describing how individuals can heal from their trauma.

During the show we also talked about her work with married couples and how two people can learn from each other as they work through trauma. This can be a critical piece in helping couples improve their strained marriages. Many people carry with them unresolved issues from their past that prevents them from developing intimate relationships. As a consequence they approach relationships with a shield up and guard on. We discussed a couple of strategies so individuals can let down their guard and develop deeper more intimate bonds.

If you would like to listen to the replay of this show you can do so at MyExpertSolution at the following times: (all times are Mountain Standard Time)

Tuesday 7:00 a.m.

Wednesday 8:00 p.m.

Thursday 2:00 a.m.

Friday 9:00 a.m.

Saturday 6:00 p.m.

 

It was great talking with Mychelle. I appreciate the work that she is doing to better society.

 

If you or a loved one is struggling with trauma or a relationship problem and you live in the Los Angeles area, I would invite you to visit her site at: http://www.mychellecharters.com/index.php

 

Have a great day!

Dr. Kevin Skinner

p.s.—If you have a question about trauma, relationships, anxiety, depression, abuse, and many other life challenges, I personally invite you to ask it at MyExpertSolution. At MyExpertSolution you can receive a personalized answer to your question usually within 24 hours of asking it.

Understanding and Treating ADHD

There is nothing easy about ADHD. Individuals who have ADHD struggle in so many areas of their life. Their loved ones struggle to understand them and often don’t know how to help. For years researchers, clinicians, and especially individuals struggling with ADHD have been trying to find solutions for treating ADHD. Fortunately, we have new technology that is improving our understanding of how to treat ADHD.

A few months ago I had the opportunity to talk with a specialist who treats ADHD. His name is Dr. Charles Parker, a man who truly understands ADHD. Using the most recent advances in technology Dr. Parker and other experts have discovered the best treatment methods for treating ADHD.

Last week I had the opportunity to interview Dr. Parker as he launched a new radio show on the MyExpertSolution Radio Network. His show, “CorePsych Radio” will air each Thursday at 4:00 p.m. (EST) on MyExpertSolution. If you or a loved one struggles with ADHD, I would strongly recommend that you join Dr. Parker for his weekly radio show.

This week Dr. Parker will be talking about how ADHD diagnosis is changing which allows for better and more precise medical intervention. If you have been around someone who struggles with ADHD for any long period of time, you know that ADHD medication varies in its effectiveness. You also know that many people who struggle with ADHD often give up in finding solutions because nothing seems to work.

This is what excites me about Dr. Parker’s new radio show. He gets it. His knowledge of how to assess and treat ADHD is founded upon evidence based treatment. In other words, once Dr. Parker knows what is happening in the brain based upon a SPECT scan and other assessments, he can provide the best treatment solutions for treating ADHD.

This approach to treating ADHD is changing our understanding of mental illness and will revolutionize our treatment strategies.

I invite you to listen to Dr. Parker live each Thursday afternoon at 4:00 p.m. on the MyExpertSolution Radio Network.

Have a great day!

Treating Depression

Today I had the opportunity to talk with Dr. Michael Grant about his work in treating depression and anxiety. Dr. Grant specializes in using cognitive behavioral therapy to treat these two challenging disorders. One of the really nice things about Dr. Grant’s work is that he shows outcomes of his work. If you go to his website Coastal Cognitive you can click on his link “outcomes” that displays graphs illustrating the effectiveness of his work. The evidence illustrates that not only his work effective, but that his method—cognitive behavioral therapy works. This is very important to understand. Depression and anxiety can be treated.

On today’s show I asked Dr. Grant to define depression and what symptoms an individual could look for to determine whether they are clinically depressed or not. He said the two most important areas to assess are: sadness and having a loss of interest in things that used to be enjoyable. Dr. Grant also ran down the list of other symptoms of depression. During the show I also read a few questions from listeners and questions that have been asked to our experts at MyExpertSolution. Here’s a list of questions that Dr. Grant responded to:

• What is the best treatment for depression? Dr. Grant provided the most up-to-date research on this topic. You might be surprised that medication by itself is NOT the most effective.
• I have lost interest in things I used to like to do. I cannot seem to shake this feeling, what can I do to combat this?
• I suffered from post partum depression and from just depression from placing my baby for adoption, I have been on antidepressants for a year and am starting to go off them, but I still feel times when I get real down, will my depression ever totally go away?
• Is it possible to prevent depression?

In a couple of weeks you will be able to go to MyExpertSolution and listen to “Community Talk Time” and our previously archived shows. I want to thank Dr. Grant for his time. If you or a loved one struggles with depression or anxiety, I would encourage you to seek help and solutions. Dr. Grant’s work illustrates that effective help is available.

Have a great day!

Eating Disorders Awareness Week

If you are like most people you don’t pay attention to things like “National Eating Disorders Awareness Week.” However, if you know many people, you probably know someone who is suffering from an eating disorder. Today on MyExpertSolution talk radio I talked about eating disorders with a delightful woman Kristen Caron who specializes in eating disorders. She was talking about how many people have eating disorders. I was surprised to hear that 10 million women and 1 million men are struggling with this problem. That may or may not be surprising to you, but it was to me. That means that there are a lot of people who are suffering with this challenge. I wonder how many people actually receive treatment for their eating disorder.

On our show today we discussed topics like:

• How to diagnosis an eating disorder (anorexia and bulimia nervosa)
• Obesity
• Diabetes
• And strategies for healing from an eating disorder

Unfortunately, many people with eating disorders suffer in silence because they are afraid of talking about it. They feel guilt and shame. In our interview Kristen Caron made an interesting comment about how an eating disorder can influence intimacy in relationships. She said, “Many couples struggle with intimacy because the person with the eating disorder feels ashamed and her partner doesn’t know how to help.” I think this is true with many behaviors that are unhealthy coping strategies.

If you or a loved one is struggling with an eating disorder, here are a couple of resources that may help you:

• http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/programs-events/nedawareness-week.php (this is the link for the National Eating Disorders Association of America)
• http://www.kristencaronmft.com/ (this is Kristen’s homepage that has information about her and her work. She has some good resources on her website)
• http://www.something-fishy.org/ (this is a great site for where you can receive treatment. It has great information)
• https://www.oa.org/ (this is the link for overeaters anonymous)

If you would like to ask an expert a question about eating disorders or other related topics, I would invite you to visit www.myexpertsolution.com

Have a great day!

Dr. Kevin Skinner

Strategies for Surviving Difficult Times

During the past few months I have been researching individuals who have made it through difficult times. I have studied some of the writings of Viktor Frankl and James Stockdale. In addition, I have been reading about people who have been through war, abuse, and other difficult life challenges. In all situations and circumstances, I am amazed at the resiliency of these individuals. There is something that makes them sets them apart. They do something during difficult times that is inspiring.

Recently, I have been looking for other experts who have been researching this topic. Given today’s current financial meltdown and how many people are losing their jobs it is critical that we learn the tools and strategies for making it through difficult times. In my search I found the perfect person, Dr. Al Siebert. Dr. Siebert has done extensive research on individuals who are resilient. He has written extensively on this topic. His most recent book, “The Resiliency Advantage” was the winner of the distinguished “Independent Publisher’s Best Self-Help” award.

Today I am writing to let you know that I will be interviewing Dr. Siebert on my weekly radio show “Community Talk Time” on Feb. 16^th, 2009 at 9:00 a.m. (MST). You can listen to the show live at MyExpertSolution. During this show we will be discussing strategies for surviving difficult times. We will be talking about dealing with financial stress and job loss. I will also be asking Dr. Siebert questions about overcoming challenges that we receive at MyExpertSolution. If you have a question about resiliency or dealing with difficult circumstances, please feel free to ask them on our website. In addition, if you want to call in and ask Dr. Siebert a question, you can call in during the show at 1-866-535-0840. I invite you to join us for this informative and educational show.

In addition, if you are looking to get started today you can learn more about Dr. Siebert and his works on his website “The Resiliency Center.” This website offers many helpful resources to individuals who are trying to bounce back from difficult and challenging times.

Have a great day!

Eldercare: Ready or not here it comes

Are you a child of a baby boomer? If so, you may be interested in my recent radio interview with Joy Loverde. Joy is a special lady who has dedicated her professional life to educating and helping people prepare for eldercare issues. Right now, you may not think this is a big deal. Your parent’s have everything planned out right? They have a will, right? They have considered how they are going to pay for long-term care, right? They have determined who is going to have power of attorney, right? If you know the answer to these questions, I apologize for taking your time. Unfortunately, many baby boomers have not planned and cannot answer yes to any of the above questions.

So what can you do about it? In my interview with Joy Loverde she answered how you can start a dialogue with your parent’s about these critical issues. In our interview I asked Joy about the top three questions she said we should focus on. She said the top three issues are:

• How are you going to pay for long-term care
• Housing (where will your parent live if they cannot live alone—what is the cost of that)
• Have legal documents and power of attorney been decided

During our interview I asked Joy how children can approach their parent’s to discuss such difficult topics. She gave some great advice. She said, “ask your parent’s for advice. You might say ‘mom or dad I am preparing my will how did you do it?’” She also indicated that if communication has been a barrier in the past, you might consider having the sibling or neighbor who has the best relationship with your parent talk about these issues.

One of Joy’s critical points is this: Eldercare issues should be addressed before a crisis hits.

If you would like to learn more about Joy Loverde and her great work you can visit her website—www.elderindustry.com

Have a great day!

Dr. Kevin Skinner

p.s.—you can join me live each Monday 3:00 p.m. (EST) for my weekly radio show where I talk to experts like Joy Loverde. You can listen live at www.myexpertsolution.com. This upcoming Monday I will be interviewing Dr. Robert Puff. He is that author of “Anger Work: How to Express Your Anger and Still Be Kind.”